Traveller's Tales

This life thing we all do sure has some weird side trips.  Keeps things interesting, but I’m not sure I’d recommend some of them.

The one I was just on, for instance — the ‘go to the doctor for chest pains and let him tell you that your blood pressure is so high your head is about to explode’ adventure really isn’t all it’s hyped up to be.  Sure, you get some time away from work, that’s nice in theory, but it’s hardly quality vacation time.  I mean, you can’t enjoy it because you’re constantly going to some doctor or other to get poked and prodded, to get your blood sucked and your chest x-rayed and your heart stress-tested and electronically scrutinized and to get a wide variety of drug cocktails introduced to your system (“Hello, system, we’re Hydrochlorothorazide and Irbesartan, and we’re about to spend a lot of time together.”), and all the while the tour guides don’t tell you whether this is the end of the ride or just another turn.  Really dodgy design for a ride if you ask me.

Anyway, in my case it wound up being just another turn and I’m back from the trip, rowing along with the current with everyone else again, but wow does shit like that change things.  Like what you eat, how much you drink, how often and how hard you exercise, how long you sleep, how hard you can work — you know, pretty much every aspect of the crap you do every day goes through a big ol’ WTF loop and comes out the other end looking like, well, the opposite of what it did going in.  Overall, I find myself enjoying the changes I’m having to make quite a bit — almost as though I needed some sort of excuse, which is dumb, but which would not be the first time I was accused of that fault.  But those old bad habits sure do lurk.

Still no idea how this will affect my working life over the long haul, but at least there’s still a working life for me to consider and no immediate plans for doom and/or gloom.  Certainly doesn’t affect the writing, but I’ll save the updates on that for next time.

Good to be back.  Now pass the tomato slices.

I keep wanting to say something, but I’m not sure what.

I’ve learned some things in the last couple of weeks.  I’ve learned explicitly that the will to live trumps comfort or convenience every day of the week, without exception.  I’ve remembered that the only thing that matters in life is communication.  And I’ve had it demonstrated to me all too personally that, sometimes, cures kill.  Yeah, it’s been a tough couple of weeks.

I’ve also learned that some of my advice is actually pretty good, having had an opportunity to swallow it in context.  I still believe that, no matter how a relationship ends, if it doesn’t hurt like hell you were doing it wrong.  I believe that beautiful things can’t die; when we mourn, we mourn only the loss of potential, because whatever we experienced before that loss can never be taken from us.  And, finally, I believe that when you knew what the right thing to do was, and you didn’t do it, you’ve done the worst thing you could have done, whether you did something or not.

I’ve reaffirmed that my loved ones are precious to me, and learned that when people threaten them seriously I feel absolute eye-popping spit-snarling breath-stealing rage, the kind that generates massive adrenaline surges, heroic surges of strength and coordination, and really bad decisions — undoubtedly it’s from Mom’s side of the family, where the Scots hang out.  Probably not the most useful reaction it could evoke, but not one I’m ashamed of, either.

I’ve learned that “Fading Lights” by Genesis holds up better than I thought it would.  Don’t just google the lyrics, it’s not the same without the music.

And finally, I’ve reaffirmed that no matter what else, I write.

So where am I going with this?  I don’t know, really.  2009 has come in hard and heavy, and it’s warned me that there’s change in the air, but it’s also reassured me that I know who I am and what I believe.  Maybe that’s enough to weather the coming storm.

Spent a bit of time this weekend putting parts of the house into a semblance of, if not actually ‘order,’ then at least ‘less entropy.’  Boxes went to the loft, so now I can actually get to my exercise equipment again, though I didn’t really need to use it this weekend after moving all those bloody boxes up to the loft.  Funny how that worked.  Now, at some point I’ll actually have to open the boxes to see what’s in them and where they should be going, but in the meantime just having them out of the way is a big plus.

Found myself a new local karate school; they sound like they’re the kind of place I like (Okinawan derivant, triple-focus on kata, kumite and waza, tonfa is one of their weapons forms), so once I’m back in some kind of shape I’ll be visiting to see whether it’s a fit.

No writing done.  Bad me.  So much stress and involvement from work, the brain’s just empty. Blood, rock, stone, same thing.  I’m going to need to set up better ground rules for engaging the muse, because I’ve been blowing her off a lot lately.

And that’s why this post is about rearranging.  That time thing, there’s just not enough of it to screw around and do things on the fly anymore.  Time to set aside actual chunks To Do Things With.  Dunno how that’s going to net out yet, but it’s something I’m thinking about.

Meh.  I want a summer vacation.  June to September, remember what that was like?

Yeah.  Me too.

Got the fitness bug again the last few weeks. Various and sundry reasons.

Partly I want to be in shape to hike with Dad this year in the Sierra Nevada, which happens to be one of my favorite places in the entire world. Can’t hike at 10k when you’re a desk jockey if you don’t spend some time working off the investment you’ve made in seat cushions, you know?

Partly, I hate feeling like shit.

Mainly, though, I’m learning to listen to the wetware, and when it starts to complain I’m old enough now that I’d better damned well listen. Levels of various bad things in the bod were just too high — the more you pay attention, the more you’re able to tell when things like sugar levels, salt intake and such are over the top. And they were. So I stopped, and thought about it, and came up with a few solutions.

Solution one: eat better. We’re not talking CRASH DIET here, we’re talking eat smaller portions of better foods. I’m not really concerned with caloric intake, carbohydrate intake, or even fat intake to a certain extent, so much as I’m concerned with eating smaller portion sizes and completely cutting out the fast food crap. Large change in moderate steps, ending up with a much healthier diet without going apeshit over counting stuff.

Solution two: vitamins. I’m really bad with vitamins. I buy bottles of vitamins, I take them for a week, and then they sit in the cupboard until they expire. So, at the risk of sounding like an advertisement, I’ve replaced the soda that used to be in my diet with this stuff. Much lower sugar intake, coupled with a metric crapton of vitamins I don’t otherwise get. Bonus one: bizarre taste combinations. Bonus two: humorous labels. It’s a little expensive — you can get em for $1 each at the local supermarket — but I’m actually getting the vitamins, and it beats the hell out of swilling fizzy syrup.

Solution three: exercise. I’ve got one of these in my front room. Honestly, I really like the thing, and I really like how it feels when I’m fit, so if you were to ask me why I’ve been avoiding using the machine all winter, I’d stare at you and look really dumb, but I wouldn’t have an answer for you. But now I’m back in the saddle, and I’m slowly but surely pushing myself into a solid 45-60 minute workout, with 30 minutes of sheer aerobics and 30 of weight training.

And man, I already feel a hell of a lot better than I did even a few weeks ago. A massive leap in my energy levels happened within the first week of hump-busting on the Bowflex, and it’s just been getting better and better since. I’m not quite at the 60 minute mark — aerobics is 20 minutes, not 30 yet — but it’s a good workout, and the benefits are awesome. It’s all about changing habits, really — and while that’s not something I’m really good at, the plus side is that once I make something a habit I’m really surly when things get in the way of my routine, so it won’t be something I drop again.

So, yeah, that’s the fitness bit. Nice to feel physically healthy again.